Self punishment

I have a bad, bad Friday at work.  I confess it is not my top choice of employment and I am just biding my time there. But- I still want to give it my all and be successful while I am still employed there.  Last Friday was crazy busy and the people I dealt with were NASTY.  Without going into more detail lets just say I was very discouraged and a few times I almost started bawling in the middle of it all.  I really had a hard time keeping it together.  On the way home I did cry my eyes out and even screamed a few times- that is how frustrated I was.

So what would a cavegirl do in this situation?  She would go home, hug her children and then get a killer work out in.  Did I do that? Of course not!

I went home, filled a glass full of ice and splashed it with Captain Morgan and Coke and cooked up a pan of Bertollis' pasta for dinner.  I also had ice cream, and I don't know how many Reese's miniatures. All to make me feel better- I did this.  Did I feel better?  No- in fact I felt awful and sick to my stomach.  The next morning I woke up with a puffy face- yes I was crying but the alcohol and sugar (and grains and crap) made it worse.

Why do I punish my body to make myself feel better?  It's that whole "comfort food" thing we are so programmed to.  I was kicking myself for it every time I looked in the mirror.  My stomach threw a huge fit as well.

Saturday I did not do any better- I spent the day watching movies with my daughter and eating whatever I felt like.  I knew it was wrong to eat that crap but I felt like I "deserved" to indulge.

This morning I felt better, and resolved once again to eat clean.  I cooked up my chicken thighs for the week and roasted the two organic chickens I had in the fridge (see picture).  I cut up about 4 or 5 sweet potatoes, layered them around the chicken with sweet onion wedges.  I added sea salt, a cinnamon/chili rub and garlic powder.  I roasted them at 350 for (oh my gosh I can't remember I think a little less than an hour- but I checked the temperature to make sure they were fully cooked- 180 degrees.)  The result? So friggin' delicious!!  The chicken was moist and the sweet potatoes perfectly cooked.  I have a new thing for roasting sweet potatoes.  My family still prefers white- but I will never go back.  Sorry I didn't take a picture of the final product.  There is still a lot of chicken left over- I will try for a pic tomorrow.

So today was almost completely paleo- except for those two squares of bacon chocolate I had.  Have you tried that stuff?  It takes chocolate to a whole new level.  I am not kidding- so good there has to be crack in it.

As a renewed commitment to health and fitness I went back to my CrossFit personal journal.  I have been recording everything in Beyond the Whiteboard (love the new app by the way)- and I let my handwritten journal fall by the wayside.  So I went back and started writing everything down again- and continued my WOD count.  It is something I started at the beginning- numbering each completed WOD.  I have over 200 under my belt now.  Would have liked to have done more- but that is still quite an accomplishment for me.  March will be my two year anniversary.  I made two goals for myself- 200# deadlift and 100# squat clean.  I have more thoughts on goals and self-sabotage- but I will save that for another post.  Good night!

Tuna/Spinach Salad and a box jump owie

What is a fast go-to meal that you love?  A simple one I like is tuna mixed with homemade mayo and some dill weed- and then thrown over a bowl of baby spinach.  I can't do this everyday because I get tired of tuna pretty quickly- but you can substitute the tuna for shredded cooked chicken turkey, or other meat.  If I do chicken I like to add some pecans and sometimes cranberries or raisins (just a few.)  

I live for homemade mayo!  I basically use the recipe from Everyday Paleo's stuffed avocado recipe- with my own little tweaks.  It is runny, not thick like regular mayo- so I really should call it a "dressing:

Add one fresh egg, 2-3 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar (you can adjust this to liking), salt to taste (I have been using pink Himalayan salt lately- so yummy), 1 tsp of mustard (prepared yellow mustard like French's), a pinch of cayenne and whatever other herbs or spices you want (garlic powder, dill, etc)- to your food processor. Blend for a count of five.  Then add one cup of EXTRA-LIGHT olive oil (must be extra-light- try the regular or extra-virgin and you will know why you need extra light- yuck!)- pouring slowly while the processor is mixing.  Once the oil is all poured in- mix for another 5 seconds.

You can also use avocado oil for a different taste- I like it!  The mayo is good as long as the egg you used is good.  So if the cart on eggs say they expire in Nov 12th- that is when you throw out the mayo. Usually the mayo doesn't last that long for me because I eat it it pretty quickly.

In other news- I fought the box jump and the box jump won.  It took me a good 9 months after starting CrossFit to finally gather the courage to jump on the box.  I could do it with a tire but I was terrified of the wooden boxes we used.  I would literally approach the box with every intention of jumping up, and then chicken out.  And the one day I just did it.  If anything has held me back in CrossFit- it has been me.  Yes, I have back problems and that makes me slow down from time to time and then there are family commitments, etc etc.  But I know I would be a lot further along in my training if I didn't psyche myself out so much.  Self-doubt and fear and my biggest enemies.  I should throw a little self-sabotage in there for good measure.  

Little by little, I am working through all of this.  I have to remind myself not to compare myself to others but to look back and appreciate how much I HAVE accomplished.  For example the box jump- I can do those pretty well- most of the time!  I have only fallen twice so far.  This last time I was in the final 30 seconds of an AMRAP trying to finish my 5th round with 15 box jumps.  I got to number 12 and then all of the sudden the room was tilting and I was landing on my side.  I got right back up and got two more in before the buzzer went off- so I was one short of completing the round.  But I still RX'd that shit!  Coach Dave said I shouldn't count the one where I fell because I didn't achieve full hip extension.  But I called BS on that and said he can't prove it because there are no replay cameras and then accused him of being a "replacement ref."  Haha, it was all in god humor of course.  I was a little embarrassed to fall- one cannot do that gracefully.  But I am secretly proud of my "war wound."

Butt Sweat Angels, Fish Oil and My Lunch

Today was a good day as far as being a cave girl.  I at right, except for a little dairy (I am using full cream in my coffee because I cannot find my organic coconut milk I like to use.)  I had an awesome WOD, and I had an awesome lunch.

My lunch- Buffalo Chicken Meatloaf (see yesterday's post), spinach salad with homemade mayo dressing, and my coconut water I forgot to drink yesterday.  I was stuffed, and it was yummy.

Today my WOD consisted off push jerks, lateral burpees, and kettlebell swings.  I literally told my coach that the bar was too heavy, but he made me keep going anyway.  It was a rough WOD, but I felt awesome afterwards for having done it.  You know how your muscles feel all nice and warm after a good workout?  That is a great feeling.  I also made a nice butt sweat angel after I was done:

I had run out of my fish oil so I decided to pick up some of the Stronger Faster Healthier Brand of fish oil (sold ay my box).  It is liquid so I wasn't sure how I would like it.  This kind I picked up is vanilla.  There is no gluten, sugar or soy in it.  And it was actually quite tasty!  I did burp it up a couple of times afterwards (I had the full dose of 2tsp which is almost 5000mg- I usually take 4000mg with the pills), but it wasn't an unpleasant taste at all.  One wouldn't know it be fish oil.  I am impressed so far- I might just stick with it.

Speaking of fish oil- my hubby is now taking it.  He has super high cholesterol, and had been to a cardiologist to have his heart checked out.  His heart is super healthy, including great blood pressure.  But for some reason his "bad levels" are off the charts.  I was dreading what he was going to be prescribed as I believe some meds do more harm but good.  But I think his doc has caught on and he prescribed fish oil!  That really gives me hope.

Buffalo Chicken Meatloaf with BACON!

Like I said yesterday- I was planning on making Buffalo Chicken Meatloaf for today.  So I went shopping after my WOD this morning and decided to double the recipe and add bacon.  Oh it smelled heavenly while it was cooking.  Unfortunately I didn't have time to try it before work and had to wait for my lunch break to eat it.
 It came out perfect, I only think next time I need MOAR BACONZ!  I didn't do the muffin cups like I thought I would- not enough time- I barely got it out of the oven and cooled off enough to put back in the fridge before I left for work.

We had this for dinner as well- I added a spinach salad with my homemade mayo dressing I love.

A little sneak peak into my lunch bag.  Underneath the Lara Bar and coconut water was my cantaloupe and meatloaf.  I actually forgot to drink the coconut water today and the Lara Bar was enjoyed on the way to and from work.  

I try not to rely on them (Lara Bars) too much because 1. they are expensive and 2. I try to keep them as emergency food when I am on the run.  Which was the case today- I didn't have much time this morning to eat before work (except for some extra bacon I cooked.)

Do you eat breakfast before a morning workout?  Robb Wolf suggests that we don't if we work out early enough.  Some people say you HAVE to eat something.  But I find if I am eating clean- I don't get the "sugars" in the morning (meaning I don't feel like I am starving because my blood sugar dropped after eating crap the night before.)  I only drink water and I am fine to work out.  After my WOD I am ravenous of course and food tastes so good at that point.  It is more enjoyable all the way around.  If I do make myself eat before hand- usually just a banana or something light- I am burping and heaving during my WOD.  I don't ever throw up- but that banana never tastes that great the second time around.  

And if I work out in the morning, I wait to drink any coffee.  Why?  If you have had children, you may know the answer.  I have a hard enough time practicing my double-unders without the threat of coffee making me run for the bathroom to pee (and I don't always make it)!  TMI- I know but I have to keep it real. =)

I never left

Better late than never, here is my third post on a blog I started over a year ago.  Ha!

I am still eating Paleo.  It is not a diet, and I am not perfect.  I have fallen into bad eating habits from time to time (ie eating crap)- and my body yells at me for it.  For example today we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner and I have a wicked case of indigestion and acid reflux.  When I eat "clean"- ie Paleo- I do not suffer from reflux or indigestion.

The truth eating Paleo is a commitment, period.  One really must plan ahead and actually COOK.  Of course we have more conveniences than our paleolithic ancestors- such as a microwave and refrigeration.  Regardless they had to prepare their own meals- no drive throughs, no restaurants- no convenience period.

Today was not a good day on the eating front- my stomach is admonishing me rather noisily at the moment for it.  But what do you do when you fall off the hypothetical horse?  You get back on- and this is less painful.  Tomorrow, my friends- will be a cavegirl kind of day.  I promise.

This is what I plan to make tomorrow:

http://paleomg.com/buffalo-chicken-mini-meatloaf/

I have made it before- this time I think I will throw them into muffin cups for quick on the go meals.  This stuff is great for breakfast!